Jon And Chantel

Choose the news 5/7/18

A Contact Lens That Shoots Laser Beams From Your Eyes Now Exists

  Many years from now, after the apocalyptic world war when gangs and rabid wolves are all that roam the Earth, people are going to look back at this day as the moment we began turning into futuristic killing machines.

Scientists at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland just created a contact lens that allows you to shoot LASER BEAMS from your EYES.  I repeat:  Shoot laser beams from your eyes.

Now . . . at this point, these aren’t exactly ready to turn you into a Terminator.  They only emit a very low-powered laser light that would be better for, like, scanning a barcode than vaporizing your enemies.

And they only work when a different laser is shined at them to power them.

But this technology now exists.  And the scientists who made it recognize where it’s probably going to go . . . they even cited, quote, “superheroes with lasers in their eyes” in their academic report on what they made.


A Cockroach Crawls Into a Woman’s Ear . . . and It Takes Nine Days to Get Him Out


If you think your Monday is rough, just be glad you’re not THIS lady.  A 29-year-old woman named Katie Holley from Melbourne, Florida had a COCKROACH crawl into her ear while she was sleeping last month.

She told the entire story to “Self” magazine, where they covered it in DEEP detail.  Here’s how it went down . . .

1.  The cockroach crawled into Katie’s ear in the middle of the night.  She could immediately tell that something was wrong, so she went to the bathroom.

2.  She stuck a Q-Tip in there . . . and when she pulled it out, all that was stuck to it were TWO COCKROACH LEGS.  She asked her husband to pull it out with tweezers, but he just got two more legs.  So they rushed to the ER.

3.  While they waited, Katie could feel the roach scratching and exploring in her ear canal.

4.  The ER doctor used a shot of lidocaine to numb Katie’s ear and kill the roach.  Then he pulled it out, chunk by chunk.

5.  But that wasn’t the end.  When the numbness subsided, Katie’s ear still felt weird.  So a week later, she went to her doctor . . . who looked in her ear and realized the ER doctor HADN’T gotten all of the pieces of the roach carcass.

6.  Katie’s doctor flushed her ear, pulled out six more pieces of the roach, and made her an emergency appointment with an ear-nose-and-throat specialist for later that day.

7.  The ENT found even MORE pieces of the roach in her ear, and pulled out the entire head, the upper torso, and more legs.  And he said that was definitely it.

8.  And it appears that was true.  After NINE days with the roach in her ear, Katie finally had all of it removed.

9.  Once it was over, she and her husband had pest control out to their house immediately to spray . . . and she’s going to start sleeping with earplugs.



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