Jon And Chantel

Choose the news 8/30/17

Burger King Will Give You a Free Whopper If You Get Fired . . . But You Need to Humiliate Yourself on Social Media

If you get fired, I’m not sure that broadcasting to the world that you’ll sell yourself out for a $3 sandwich is the best way to start getting leads for your next job.  But what do I know?

Burger King is running a new promotion where you can get a FREE Whopper if you get FIRED.  But . . . to prove you got fired, you have to go onto LinkedIn and post a public message saying, “I got fired.  I want a free Whopper.  #whopperseverance.”

The first 2,500 people who do that will get a gift card sent to them for a free Whopper.  And considering how your professional contacts will probably view that posting, hopefully BK will throw in a job application too.


The 15 Best Responses to the Twitter Hashtag: “What If Football Didn’t Exist?”

 Football is such an important part of American life, it’s hard to imagine a world where it never existed.  But some people are trying to do that now . . . with HI-larious results.

For some reason, the hashtag ‘#IfFootballDidntExist‘ started trending on social media yesterday.  And here are 15 highlights:

1.  “Men would have to talk to their wives and girlfriends in the winter.”

2.  “We wouldn’t get to witness a man in tight pants doing a dance.”

3.  “Most men in America would spend their Sundays at IKEA looking at furniture.”

4.  “Friday Night Lights would just be me staring upwards in the Walmart parking lot.”

5.  “A lot of chickens would still have their wings.”

6.  “Marching band would be the coolest activity in high school.”  Although, let’s be honest, that STILL wouldn’t be true.  There were a LOT of nerds sharing that fantasy though.  Another Tweeted, quote, “The debate team would have cheerleaders.”

7.  “Being under center would be a sexual position.”

8.  “Very few of us would know what Janet Jackson’s [breasts] look like.”

9.  “Would Americans still call soccer . . . ‘soccer’?”

10.  “Madden Volleyball 2018 would be on my Christmas list.”

11.  “Joe Montana would sound like a porn name.”

12.  “I wouldn’t be wearing jockstraps at the age of 40.”

13.  “Thanksgiving would be even more awkward.”

14.  “I’d probably see a lot less patients with concussions.”

15.  And perhaps most importantly, Marcia Brady wouldn’t have gotten beaned in the face with a football RIGHT before her big date with Doug!!!  And remember, Marcia broke her date with Charley for Doug, because he was a FOOTBALL STAR.

So if football didn’t exist, Marcia probably would have gone on that date with Charley . . . and who knows how far Charley would have gotten?  Poor Charley.

84% of Us Pee in the Shower, 3% Constantly Pass Gas in Elevators, and Four More Gross Things We Do

 Are you a clean person . . . a relatively clean person . . . or do you just live a filthy existence and love it?  A new online survey asked people these six questions about gross habits.  See how you do . . .

1.  Have you ever peed in the shower?  84% of people said yes.  That includes 60% who do it at least once a WEEK.  15% also said they’ve peed in a SINK at least once before.  (That’s a guy thing, right?  Do women EVER do that?)

2.  Have you ever passed gas in an elevator?  53% said they’ve done it while they were ALONE in an elevator.  38% have done it with other people in there.  And a very confident 3% said they do it all the time.

3.  How often do you wash your jeans?  60% said after two or three wears.  14% said every time they wear them.  25% said only when they’re really dirty.  1% said never.

4.  Have you ever needed a shower, but you just put on a ton of perfume or cologne instead?  69% said yes, including 18% who do it often.  31% claim they never have.

5.  As an adult, have you ever picked your nose and eaten it?  25% said YES.  And half of them said they STILL do it.  20% lied and said they never even pick their nose.

6.  How often do you use the bathroom and not wash your hands?  37% said they always wash their hands.  51% skip it sometimes.  And 12% said they RARELY wash their hands after using the bathroom.


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