Jon And Chantel

Choose the news 9/15/17

Jolt Cola Returns to Stores Next Week

If you were an ’80s kid, you knew about Jolt Cola.  It was the soda with SO much caffeine that a friend of yours swore they heard about a kid two towns over who died from drinking it.

Well . . . in these hardcore nostalgic times, Jolt thinks it can claim a spot in the market again.  So it’s making its triumphant return next Thursday, exclusively at Dollar General stores.  A 16-ounce can will cost $1.

If they keep their same caffeine content, each 16-ounce can will have 191 milligrams of caffeine, which is roughly the same as the major energy drinks . . . and way more than soda, but less than coffee.

After More Than Five Months of Stalling, Crayola Finally Revealed the Name of Its New Blue Crayon

This is, without question, THE most hype any crayon has ever gotten.  And my brain just keeps screaming the word “ANTICLIMACTIC!” over and over.

Back in March, Crayola announced they were getting rid of one of their 24 core crayons.  A few days later, they revealed it was dandelion.  In May, they said they’d be replacing it with . . . a blue crayon.  In early July, they announced voting on five possible names.

And finally, yesterday, they hosted a damn livestream on Facebook where they announced the name is . . . “Bluetiful.”  Well that was worth it.

The Nine Dumbest Things People Have Put on Their Résumé


 A new survey had HR managers list the dumbest things they’ve seen on résumés.  Some are lies, and some are just stupid.  Here are the top nine . . .

1.  A guy claimed he’d personally studied under the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who died over 100 years ago.

2.  Someone claimed they’d written a set of computer code that the hiring manager had actually written.

3.  A guy included a picture with all of his pets for no apparent reason.

4.  Someone listed Microsoft as a previous employer, and then didn’t know who Bill Gates was.

5.  Someone sent in a résumé that obviously wasn’t theirs.  So the HR person googled it.  And it turned out they just lifted it straight off the Internet.

6.  Someone claimed they had a specific credential they didn’t really have.  And they were applying for a job at the company that GRANTS that credential.

7.  A guy included a lengthy description about his family members.

8.  Even though it had nothing to do with the job, a guy included the fact that his favorite hobby is to watch horror movies.

9.  A guy claimed he was a former spy for the CIA.  But the dates he listed were when he was in elementary school.

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