Stupid Is, Stupid Does

Naked Man Chases his Father Around with a Knife, Plays Banjo for Cops

A 26-year-old software engineer, Andrew Helmsworth ran naked through his neighborhood while chasing his father with a 4-inch knife. He then barricaded himself in his home. At one point, he put on some shorts and emerged from the home with a banjo. He began playing for a captive audience of Vancouver police, SWAT officers, hostage negotiators and a K-9 unit. As he turned to re-enter the house, witnesses said officers shot him with a nonlethal round. The suspect appeared in Clark County Superior Court on Monday, wearing a suicide prevention vest and a grin. When prosecutors asked him if Andrew Helmsworth was his true name, he replied, “That is my given name, but I feel it doesn’t apply to me today,” according to The Columbian. He added that he’d “lost his temper” and was pretty sure he was going to lose his job. He said he was mentally ill. A judge advised him not to talk about the incident. Helmsworth was held on $30,000 bail and ordered not to have contact with his father. Get more here.

A Guy is Suing In-N-Out Burger Because He Found Meth in His Milkshake

Fast food is definitely addictive, especially good fast food.  But this feels a little too on-the-nose. A guy named Fred Maldonado went to an In-N-Out Burger in Downey, California in March last year, and ordered a milkshake.  But when he was halfway done with it, he noticed a napkin and two blue pills at the bottom of his cup. He says he took it to a lab, and they found there was meth in the pills, and the drink. So Fred just filed a lawsuit against In-N-Out.  He says the drink made him sick, and has caused, quote, “severe mental illness.”  He didn’t say how much money he wants, he’ll let a jury decide. But In-N-Out is fighting back hard.  They say the suit is, quote, “baseless.”  In other words, they’re suggesting Fred put the meth in his own drink. Get more here.


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