Stupid Is, Stupid Does

Two Prisoners Made a Rope With Bed Sheets – But Couldn’t Tie Knots

American inmates need to take a page from the drug lords in Mexico. Those guys know how to escape, man. Because this is just sad. There are two criminal masterminds in jail in Louisville, Kentucky, Matthew Johnson is 29, and Christopher Cornelius is 37. They’re both doing time on drug charges. But on Monday night, they hatched a daring plan to break out. First, they somehow made it to the roof of the minimum security prison where they’re locked up. Which is actually kind of impressive. Then they tried to climb down four stories, using the old ‘rope-made-out-of-bed-sheets’ routine. Come on. That’s a classic, but has it ever worked outside of a movie? Matthew actually made it a couple floors down before one of the knots tying the bed sheets together came loose. Then he fell 20 feet, and hurt his ankle and his back. But he was alive, so he took off. Christopher punked out at that point, and they busted him on the roof. Unfortunately for Matthew, a worker had seen him climbing down and called the cops. And he didn’t get too far anyway, because of his injuries. A cop found him hiding in a car the next morning, took him in, and now he’s in the hospital. All because he didn’t pay attention at camp, and sucks at tying knots. Get more here.

A Man in Alabama Stole an Entire Lottery Ticket Dispenser, Then Tried to Cash in a Ticket

A guy from Alabama busted down the front door of Big Daddy Liquor Store in Esto, Florida at 1:00 A.M. on Tuesday. And he did something we’ve actually never heard of before. He stole an entire lottery ticket dispenser. It was stocked with about $7,505 in lottery tickets. That might seems like a foolproof way to get yourself at least one winning scratcher, especially if you’re an idiot criminal. Nope. Once the County Sheriff’s Office investigated, they called the Florida Lottery, and all the tickets were voided. Then at 9:30 that same morning, 41-year-old Richard D. Morgan came in to the same store, and tried to cash in one of the tickets. Apparently he thought he’d found a winner? One of the employees called the cops, and they arrested Richard for the burglary. Then he confessed, and the police found all the stolen tickets back at his place. He’s been charged with burglary, dealing in stolen property, resisting arrest with violence, and battery on a law enforcement officer. Get more here.

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