Stupid Is, Stupid Does

A Man’s “Explosive” Bowel Issues Lead to a Machete Attack

When you feel a whole pile of nastiness moving through your colon, you’ll do anything to get yourself planted on a toilet. Just keep that in mind before you judge this guy. Police in Seattle, Washington got a call around 5:00 P.M. on Thursday about a 56-year-old guy threatening people with a two-foot machete in a park when they confronted him about using the women’s bathroom. The guy tried to take off before the cops got there . . . but he got stuck in a rush hour traffic jam and the cops caught him. When they asked him why he was using the women’s bathroom, he told them he had a, quote, “explosive” bowel situation and the men’s room was full. He was arrested for assault. Get more here.

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Drunk Man Repeated Calls 911 Looking for His Dog, Wakes all His Neighbors & They Call 911

39-year-old Ryan Bradley Williams, of Florida was drinking vodka and cola in the middle of the night, while searching for his dog. Ryan called 911 to ask them to help search for his dog. Officers warned him the call was a misuse of 911 and to stop yelling in the neighborhood while looking for the dog. They also told him to stop drinking. Then, around 1:30 am, they started receiving calls about a man waking up residents by yelling and knocking on their doors in search of the dog. When Police found him, he had a cup of liquor, was slurring his speech, and having trouble maintaining his balance. Ryan was clearly extremely intoxicated, he was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication. Get more here.

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