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Stupid Is, Stupid Does

A Drunk Woman Broke Into a Zoo Tried to Pet a Tiger

Jacqueline Eide, 33, and a friend snuck into an Omaha zoo after hours Sunday morning. Police were tipped off when Hospital staff called them regarding a patient who “was very aggressive” and non-cooperative. They determined that a very drunk Eide had made “unauthorized entry” into the zoo and reached into a tiger’s cage to pet it when the tiger bit her, causing severe injuries to multiple fingers on her left hand. Her friend then drove her to the hospital. She may lose the hand, the damage is pretty extensive. This isn’t the first time Eide has made some bad life choices, she served prison time for her third DUI in 2011. She was arrested twice in Omaha this year and has criminal convictions, including drunk driving, graffiti, disturbing the peace, obstruction of justice and shoplifting. She was cited for criminal trespass and is currently being treated at the hospital. Get more here.

A Man Dressed as a Flasher Tried to Beat a Breathalyzer Test on Halloween by Eating Toilet Paper

A 39-year-old guy named Ross McDonald got pulled over in Iowa City, Iowa around 3:00 A.M. Halloween night, after cops saw him driving the wrong way down a one-way street. When they talked to him, he tried to claim he’d only had two drinks, but couldn’t remember where he’d just been. Plus he was wearing wristbands from a bunch of different bars. And the fact that he was wearing a flasher costume probably didn’t help either. . After he failed a sobriety test, they tried to give him a breathalyzer at the station. But he refused, asked to use the bathroom first, and tried to beat the breathalyzer by eating toilet paper. It’s not clear how much he managed to swallow, and we have no idea why he thought it would help. Not every hack you read about online actually WORKS, people. But he agreed to take the test afterward, and still blew twice the legal limit. It turns out it’s his third DUI, so he’s facing a felony charge this time, and could get up to five years in prison. Get more here.

 

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