Stupid Is, Stupid Does!

A Woman Took Her Pants Off to Prove She Didn’t Shoplift, But Had a Shopping Cart of Stolen Stuff

A 26-year-old woman was caught shoplifting from a Walmart in Blackman Township, Michigan around 2:30 in the morning on Monday. Her name hasn’t been released, but she’d already walked out of the store when security stopped her. And she tried to prove she WASN’T shoplifting by pulling her shirt up, and taking her pants off, so they’d see she didn’t have anything on her. Which was true. But she probably should have realized she was getting semi-naked for no reason, because she’d also pushed a full shopping cart of stolen stuff outside. Then when they tried to stop her from leaving, she bit an employee’s arm and punched them in the face. She’s facing charges for assault, malicious destruction of property, unarmed robbery, and indecent exposure. Get more here.

A Guy Stopped to Smoke Crack During a High-Speed Chase

A cop outside Tampa, Florida noticed a truck with a cracked windshield on Tuesday, and tried to pull it over. The driver was a 46-year-old guy named Christopher Conti, and first he motioned with his hand like he WAS pulling over. But he took off. did a U-turn while running a red light, ran over a spike strip, and kept going. Then he did finally stop, but only for a few seconds so he could smoke some crack. The cop saw him sitting in a turning lane with a glass pipe. Then he drove over the median, kept driving on a flat tire, and ended up ramming two cop cars. Luckily no one was hurt, and they did manage to stop him. Then while they were arresting him, he said he was, quote, “out of [his] mind” on drugs. And once they had him in custody, he asked if they’d make sure their report included that he was, quote, “cranked out of [his] [effing] mind.” Apparently he thought a judge might go easier on him if they knew that. But he has a rap sheet that’s 30 pages long, and he’s tried to run from the cops before. He’s facing charges for assault, battery, fleeing and eluding police, driving on a suspended license, possession of cocaine, possession of paraphernalia, and driving under the influence. Get more here.

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