Clipping your nails at the office, eating saucy ribs on a date, blowing your nose anywhere near me… There are just somethings you don’t do in sensitive situations.
So imagine you work in the movie business and someone pitches you a movie idea AT A FUNERAL. People are pretty gross, so of course this actually happened. Billions showrunner Brian Koppelman took to Twitter to tell the story.
I’m in a doctor’s waiting room (nothing bad, routine check up), so I will tell you a true story about a man who would stop at nothing to pitch me his movie idea. (If I get called to appointment, I will have to stop, but will finish later.) Ready? No. You’re not. I promise.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
1) So this begins the day my mother died. I got the call from my sisters and drove out to my parents house on long island. When I got there, my dad, sisters and I hugged and cried and all the stuff you do. And then, wonderfully, friends and family began showing up. https://t.co/a2PQbgMjXC
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
2) Now, my dad and mom had been married 40+ years. Since they were very young. We were a close family. My mom’s death really sucked for all of us. My dad is a super strong person with a ton of internal fortitude. But I was still worried about how my dad would handle the day.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
3) So I stuck with him. And as the people began piling into the house, and the noise level rose, and it all became a bit much, I saw it was getting to him. And then I saw he was heading to the front steps to sit in his favorite chair, just outside the front door.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
4) I followed. And sat in the chair next to him. This is how he and my mom sat all the time. When you’d drive to see them, and pull up, 90% of the time, that’s where they’d be. So this was sad but nice. The two of us, in the evening air, just sitting, silently, together.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
5) Key word, silently.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
6) And it was a great escape from the madness inside. There were sat. Thinking. Breathing. Absorbing. My mom had died 4 hours earlier. Hold onto that as I get to the good part.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
7) The door behind us opens. I feel a presence standing there. Hovering. Right behind my dad, the new widower, and me, the guy who just lost his mom. And I can feel it isn’t my sisters or someone there to offer support, you know…
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
8) Out of the corner of my eye, I see it’s the father of one of my brother’s in law (now ex). This man and I are not close. I keep looking straight ahead. I don’t say hello. I hope that as a human person, he will recognize the situation, the intimate and private situation.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
9) And just go back inside. But no such luck.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
10) And then I hear it. “Hey, Brian, not for nothing, but I got a humdinger of a movie idea.”
“Not now Allen.”
“But it’s a really good idea.”
“NOT NOW ALLEN”
“Okay. Your loss.”
And he goes back inside.
Your. Loss.
(It gets better)— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
11) So he leaves. My dad, whose neck had gotten as red as a fire truck, exhales, and we keep sitting there. Then we go back inside. As soon as I hit the door, the guy is on me again.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
12) “It’s just this is a once in a lifetime idea. And if I don’t tell you, none of us profits. But if I do, you could really make out. And I could make out too.”
Understand, that even as I wanted to hit him, I knew this was one of the best things ever, and I’d tell it for years.— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
13) so I say: “Allan, look, man, this is crazy. My mom just died. I can’t listen to your idea.”
And he says:
“Yeah. Ok. But when. This is my one chance to tell you before it’s too late.”
So I say: at the end of the shiva”**Jewish version of wake. Takes 3 days.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
14) so for 3 days he keeps eyeing me. Watching me. Following me. Almost speaks. Doesn’t. Then…
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
15) at the end of the last day, a Rabbi friend of my dad’s came over and led us in a ritual walk around the house that closed out the shiva. We walked, all of us, 3 times, which was emotional. The end of this mourning moment. And so we were hugging, and talking and remembering.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
16) and then, as I break a hug w my little sister, I feel a gross hand on my shoulder. And I turn. And there he is.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
17) “Now?”
“Okay, Allan, now.”
“If you weren’t family, I’d get ya to sign a non disclosure first, you know? To protect myself. “
Also, his eyes are funny and don’t look at you, really, and that’s true and @jennyhutt will confirm (not her ex father in law).— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
18)”allan, you have 5 seconds.”
“Ok. Here goes. You ready? And you gotta cut me in on it.”
“Allan!!!”— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
19) “…The idea is: Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. Superheroes.”
…
“That’s the idea? The humdinger?”
“Yeah. Good, right?”
“Allan, you go talk to them, their rights, I’ll make the movie.”
Have a good morning folks. That story is #100% true.
— Brian Koppelman (@briankoppelman) June 6, 2018
