Stupid Is, Stupid Does

A Drunk Diver Gave an Officer a Ruby Tuesday Coupon Instead of His License

Police in Niceville, FL were patrolling the streets when they noticed a man in a truck at a stop sign, the truck sat there for 15 seconds. When he did start moving again, he was weaving in and out of the lane. He then crossed the center lane, to a left turn lane. Then, suddenly, decided to turn right and pulled across the lane. He stopped at the red light, then took a wide turn to the right and ran over the median. At that point the officer stopped the driver. He knew he was intoxicated, and asked the driver if he were aware he’d vomited on himself. The officer asked for the man’s license, and he handed him a Ruby Tuesday’s coupon. He said it was his driver’s license. He asked the man if he had a license? The driver brought out another Ruby Tuesday’s coupon. The officer said “this went on for several minutes.”  Obviously the man failed field sobriety tests, and he blew a 0.219 and a 0.205, more than twice the legal limit. He was arrested and faces charges of driving while intoxicated, and several traffic violations. Get more here.

A Guy Stabbed His Neighbor With a Pitchfork For Stealing His Chicken

This is a nice, all-American throwback crime that sounds like it happened in 1840’s Iowa, not today. 53-year-old Tyrone Gardner of Ludington, Michigan was grilling some chicken a few years ago, and walked away for a few minutes. When he got back, one of the pieces of chicken was missing. Tyrone was pretty sure his neighbor had stolen it, so he grabbed his pitchfork, went over to the guy’s house, and stabbed him with it. The guy was hurt, but he survived. Tyrone got the heck out of town, and the cops finally found him and arrested him back in October. He pleaded guilty to attempted assault with a dangerous weapon. He was sentenced to one year in jail last week. Get more here.

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