It’s So Cold That . . .
1. It’s colder than MARS. The high on Mars on Monday was 23. Most of the Midwest and a lot of Canada couldn’t come close to that.
2. It’s too cold to break the law. The police in Priceville, Alabama and Noblesville, Indiana have both BANNED CRIME. They put out messages saying it’s just too damn cold for you to do anything illegal.
3. It’s too cold to TALK. The National Weather Service advised people in the Midwest, quote, “to protect your lungs from severely cold air, avoid taking deep breaths [and] minimize talking.”
4. It’s cold enough that the term “instant frostbite” is getting thrown around. At negative temperatures with high wind chills, like the Midwest is getting right now, it’s possible to get frostbite in just five to 10 minutes outside.
This Valentine’s Day, Some Zoos Are Letting You Name a Cockroach After Your Ex
If you’re going to be single this Valentine’s Day, instead of going out and trying to find someone new to date . . . why not sit at home getting some passive-aggressive, cathartic revenge against your ex?
The Bronx Zoo in New York and a zoo in London called the Hemsley Conservation Center are both offering a Valentine’s Day special: For a few bucks, you can name one of their COCKROACHES after your ex. And you can print out a certificate to make it official. (It’ll run you $15 in New York, or about $2 in London.)
If you want, you can also name a cockroach after a friend or your current significant other, but that’s less entertaining.
Man Bites Crocodile To Save Son: The Daily Mail claims a 12 year-old boy was recently swimming in a river in the Philippines when a crocodile attacked him. The boy’s father jumped into the water and hit the crocodile with a plank of wood. The crocodile refused to let go of his son so he grabbed its leg and bit it. The crocodile quickly released the boy and swam off.
Tejada Abdulhasan tells the Daily Mail that he had no reservations about fighting the crocodile. ”There was so much adrenaline in my body I had no time to think. I was hitting the crocodile and it would not release my boy. I was wrestling the crocodile and we looked in each others eyes. Then out of nowhere I had the idea to bite him. I grabbed his leg and just bit as hard as I could like a Rottweiler dog.”
Tejada’s son is okay.